We're all in this together
John Gottman, in his book "The Seven Principles of Making a Marriage Work" spends an entire chapter talking about letting your partner influence you. This is very much tied to sharing power as equal partners in a marriage. This I think can be a source of contention and a battle for every marriage, but some worse than others. Gottman talks a lot about being willing to share power in making decisions from buying a car to who should wash the dishes that night. According to his research, one of the sexes has a little harder time with that than the other.
“We have found that, even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives' influence. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct.”
He points out that he’s not trying to single men out as the problem, but from tons of research and study, he has found that generally, men have a harder time with sharing power than women. This is not meant to point our fingers at men, but to be aware that this may be more of a weakness for him than for you. “It's certainly just as important for wives to treat their husbands with honor and respect. But my data indicate that the vast majority of wives--even in unstable marriages--already do that. This doesn't mean that they don't get angry and even contemptuous of their husbands. It just means that they let their husbands influence their decision making by taking their opinions and feelings into account. But too often men do not return the favor.”
Unfortunately in today's world with ragging feminism, the scales are shifting and women, in their eagerness for power, are shifting the scales dramatically to the point that they think they should have all the power. But that’s not the answer either.
“Our study didn't really find that men should give up all of their personal power and let their wives rule their lives. But we did find that the happiest, most stable marriages in the long run were those where the husband treated his wife with respect and did not resist power sharing and decision making with her. When the couple disagreed, these husbands actively searched for common ground rather than insisting on getting their way.”
We are imperfect and sometimes selfish beings who think we are always right and want our way. It takes a lot of effort to be humble enough to be willing to yield to your partner, Thankfully in a marriage, you have the spirit, if you’re both humble, to guide you to know what kind of compromises you should make. Marriage is ordained by God and is meant to be an equal partnership, and He will help both men and women in marriage to do that.
“We have found that, even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives' influence. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct.”
He points out that he’s not trying to single men out as the problem, but from tons of research and study, he has found that generally, men have a harder time with sharing power than women. This is not meant to point our fingers at men, but to be aware that this may be more of a weakness for him than for you. “It's certainly just as important for wives to treat their husbands with honor and respect. But my data indicate that the vast majority of wives--even in unstable marriages--already do that. This doesn't mean that they don't get angry and even contemptuous of their husbands. It just means that they let their husbands influence their decision making by taking their opinions and feelings into account. But too often men do not return the favor.”
Unfortunately in today's world with ragging feminism, the scales are shifting and women, in their eagerness for power, are shifting the scales dramatically to the point that they think they should have all the power. But that’s not the answer either.
“Our study didn't really find that men should give up all of their personal power and let their wives rule their lives. But we did find that the happiest, most stable marriages in the long run were those where the husband treated his wife with respect and did not resist power sharing and decision making with her. When the couple disagreed, these husbands actively searched for common ground rather than insisting on getting their way.”
We are imperfect and sometimes selfish beings who think we are always right and want our way. It takes a lot of effort to be humble enough to be willing to yield to your partner, Thankfully in a marriage, you have the spirit, if you’re both humble, to guide you to know what kind of compromises you should make. Marriage is ordained by God and is meant to be an equal partnership, and He will help both men and women in marriage to do that.
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