Share the Pants

I’ve had a long history of wearing the pants in my relationships because I’ve dated men who were complacent in taking a part in the relationship and I was far too focused on what I wanted and what I thought was best.  I used to get mad at the people I dated and wondered why they never took the initiative, left all decisions up to me, and seemed to not really have any opinions on anything. But I had to realize that I was partly to blame.  I am a very scheduled and busy person and so I had my plans and an idea of what I wanted to do and I would just drag them along in it. Also, I did have a habit of ending up with more laid back guys that didn’t mind leaving all the decision making up to me, but I also didn’t help much.  I wanted so bad to date someone who was just as scheduled and motivated as me and we could take the reins together, but I realized that I had to become more aware of the people around me as I plowed through my planned day, and let go of control a little bit. Until I learn how to do that me and a pants-wearing man would drive each other crazy!  We would just get into each other’s way. I also would continue to attract the kinds of guys that like a more out there in charge woman. I’m still learning how to be flexible but it’s hard! I’m the kind of person that has a plan from the beginning of the day to eat a specific something in the fridge and if it’s eaten, I’m nearly brought to tears.  I had planned on eating those fries, I had been thinking of it all day and now I’m deprived of this thing I planned! I guess I sound like a crazy person, but I’m just so focused on plans and achieving them so when I don’t, I have a hard time changing gears. That’s just not an acceptable way to live when you have a family. Being equal companions means rolling with the punches together, not get in each other's way but walk together.  Have you ever tried to run a three-legged race with someone who can’t coordinate with? You don’t make it very far and end up in a tangled heap of limbs on the ground. On the other hand, if you can coordinate your steps, matching each other’s pace, communicate by counting out loud, “one two one two one two”, and not pulling in front or lagging behind the other, you can run pretty dang fast! You don’t face plant immediately after “go” and you can make it to the finish line.  In a talk by President Eyring, he talks about the major importance of keeping with the spirit, keeping close to god, and counseling with Him often to be able to be one with your partner and as a family. So then this isn’t really a three-legged race, it’s more like, well a lot of legs race, I’ve never tried a three-legged race with a line of people, but I imagine it would be extremely difficult… well would it be that many more? Sure the Godhead is three people but they act as one so…...I’m getting lost in the metaphor, anywho….Being one isn’t a piece of cake, it takes a lot of failed attempts and constant alignments, and I’m sure several face plants, but God intended marriage and family to be a unity build exercise so it’s possible to achieve!  We just have to make sure we as the individual cogs of unity, are able to be humble and flexible.

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