Goes Together Like a Horse and Carraige




I’m impressed with what Goddard talked about in his book" Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage". He talked a lot about the true purpose of marriage and how it’s a trial and a sacrifice, “Since marriage is God's finishing school, we should expect more afflictions or challenges in marriage than in any other arena of life.”


Ok well that sounds a little depressing, but to me, I find it encouraging. We are bombarded by dramatic portrayals of romance in media that has given us an over-romanticized expectation of love and marriage. People go to BYU-I do, and while they are there for an education, with their Mutual account in hand, they also have dreams of meeting the one, having a beautiful Pinterest board wedding, and living happily in domestic bliss. Now not most young adults are quite like this, but we have more expectations like this than we realize, and when real marriage life hits, they are blindsided by the difficulty of it and don't know how to cope.


Marriage is beautiful, being in a relationship is exciting, and having someone you love with you forever sounds like the best thing ever. I’m sure there's heaps of joy in marriage and family. But without the bitter we wouldn’t know the sweet, so the bitter will be there. But the reason Goddard's description of marriage is comforting to me, is because when trials come in marriage and we have a proper idea of what marriage is about, we aren't blindsided or surprised by the hardship and we can overcome it. Expecting and understanding that marriage is really hard (but fulfilling), when trials head my way I can know that my marriage isn’t doomed to failure, but hardship is normal and can be overcome. Thinking of marriage as another challenging step to Godhood, I get pumped to do what I can now to prepare myself for my marriage. I want to become the person that can handle trials with faith, hard work, and sacrifice, and marry someone as willing as I am to face the hard stuff and work together to get through it.


The way I see it, there are two different kinds of hardships you’ll get in marriage. The ones you tackle with your spouse, and the ones where you want to tackle your spouse. It would be really nice if the only trail in marriage were ones that you overcome and get through with your spouse, but from what I understand, a lot of them are because of your spouse. There are going to be times when you love your Boo, but you don’t like them right then. Goddard gives the example of marriage as two completely different halves of two houses.


“I think of the allegory of a man who had two friends in the manufactured-home business. When he wanted a new house, he asked each friend to send him half a house. He gave no plans. He provided no specifications on size or style. He left them to design as they would. So each friend sent a lovely half-house. When the two halves arrived at the site, they were jarringly different. The rooms did not line up. Utilities did not match up. Roofs and walls between the two halves did not connect.”


You’re two different people and no matter how much you love each other, you’re very different and are going to have disagreements, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. It's going to take a lot of hard work and sacrifice to get along through the years no matter how much you love each other. With this knowledge in mind, I hope this would further convince people that you want to date someone for a good time to see what differences you have. You’ll never get to know all of them, but you might as well give yourself a head start by getting to know them for more than three months. I’ve known of several couples that had a smooth sailing courtship, but things blew up once they were engaged. Suddenly what you’re doing is for real and you have to start making decisions and plan together for the wedding. Because most of these couples had dated for only three months, and most of that dating was generally just hanging out together, once they had to start working together, they had tons of fights, arguments, and generally it wasn’t a pleasant experience. If that’s just happening because of a wedding, how do you think the rest of your marriage will be? If you don’t take the time and effort to get an idea of how you two feel about basic life things, how you work together, and how you resolve disagreements, those two halves of a house are going to have a heck of a time trying to match up. Maybe if you didn’t date properly or for long enough, you didn’t realize that the other half house, even with time, wasn’t a great match! Just about any house, if willing can eventually match up I guess, but there are some that match up much better to begin with our will match up better over time than other houses. How will you know if you don’t do your part investigating if it's a good fit or not? Love is important in the selection process but you can fall in love with the wrong person. You can be head over heels for a house halve that is not good for you, You’ve gotta use the spirit and your brain’s deducing skills to make a wise choice on who you marry. But I digress…..


I’m going to put the soap back in its box now


So yup, two different houses, two different people, sometimes there are going to be bumps in your relationship, marriage is hard, but it’s ok. The nice thing is that you can be assured that if both couples are willing, you can work ANYTHING out and you can become even happier and even closer. There’s no need to be afraid of marriage and the trials and challenges that come with it. Mariage is going to be an exciting adventure and I am trying to be excited about it, and anyone like me, you should too.


BUT

I do have to say, there are marriages where spouses choose not to change, or work together with their spouse, or to keep their covenants. That’s a completely different ball game. That’s a kind of trial that, despite all your effort and all your faith, will make you stronger but maybe not your marriage. Your spouse has their agency and they could not be making good decisions from the start of your marriage, or 20 years into your marriage. The solution in those cases is different for everyone, but sometimes the only solution is to get out of it. God does not intend the idea of working hard at your marriage and making sacrifices to mean that you sacrifice yourself and your children’s well-being for a spouse that is hurtful and not willing to keep their covenants. Sometimes the other half of the house is rotting and falling apart, and you can’t live there anymore. God will let you know if that’s what you need to do, and I just hope we don’t judge those who have made that decision to protect their family.

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